Here’s My Story

Turning 50 for me was not an amazing transition. I am happy and blessed to have made it, but it made me reflect on my life and realize that I am nowhere near where I should be or want to be. Let me start with my story. I was exhausted from school, so I decided that college wasn’t the right choice for me. Luckily, I got a job as an office manager for an Allstate Insurance Agent when I was 19, and I did everything there. Unfortunately, this is where I made my first bad decision.

A Missed Opportunity

The agent I worked for offered to sponsor me for getting my insurance license, but I declined. Initially, I had taken up the job temporarily, as my acquaintance was facing some medical issues and couldn’t work. I was filling in for her in the meantime. As I thought she would return to the position once she recovered, I didn’t find it necessary to get the license. However, she never came back, and I continued working for four years without a license. The offer was one-time only, and I didn’t get another chance.

When I said that I did everything in this office, I meant everything – including writing insurance policies without a license. The agent I worked for was incredibly unethical. He would often leave me to write up new accounts while he took his favorite female customer out to lunch, and sometimes he wouldn’t even return for the rest of the day. One time, his wife came into the office while he was out with his customer, and although she didn’t say much, it was clear that she knew what was going on. It was a heartbreaking situation.

My Lost Youth

I was also 19 when I met and fell hard for a man 20 years my senior. He was a bus driver who engaged in conversation with me while I was a passenger on his bus. I wasn’t immediately attracted to him and thought I’d never see him again as this was not a route I usually take.

I did see him again. He was so eager for me to ride with him that he changed his usual route to take me close to my house so that I wouldn’t have to take my usual bus. As a 19-year-old girl, it felt amazing. He showed me attention, but eventually, the lies began to surface. He claimed he wasn’t in a relationship with the mother of his children, and I, foolishly, believed him. I was hooked and naive. And he was 20 years my senior.

I woke up at 24 and realized my self-worth, so I changed the dynamics of my relationship with him. We became just friends and nothing more. However, he didn’t take it well and by the time I turned 26 and had wasted a lot of my youth on him something changed. He then offered to father my child, although he already had three children and had no intention of having more when I was deeply in love with him. But as soon as I pulled away and showed no signs of coming back, he suddenly wanted to father my child.

I learned the hard way men use babies to trap women too. His plan backfired though. I did have his child but since he treated my child differently than his other children any attraction that wasn’t already dead certainly died then. The sexiest thing he could have done was to be a hands-on father with our son.

A Life Change

By the time I had my child, I was working for another company in customer support. When my son turned 1 I changed jobs and started working a high-paying sales job. I was doing great as a single mom for the first two years of his life. Then the dot com failure hit and I lost my job. The services we were selling were catered to the dot com startups. At this time it was hard to find another good-paying job with so many being affected and couldn’t afford trustworthy childcare with the lower-paying jobs I could find. I ended up falling into a rut and needing to rely on government assistance. I raised my son and kept a roof over his head thanks to Section 8, but it sure was a struggle.

Starting all over when my son was older and in school, I worked in the fast food industry. This was something I never had to do before. Swallowing my pride, I worked with people not much older than my child until I finally joined an amazing tech company and found my place back in the corporate world.

I am so happy and blessed to be where I am now, even though I have not achieved all the things I would have liked by this age. All that means is I have work to do. Along my journey to get myself on track, I’d like to share my learnings with others who may relate.

It’s a pleasure to meet you.